Kimi no Machi Made

The infatuation will always there, even if we drift apart, not talk as much, keep in touch not that often and chat endlessly like before… ^_^

***stay I will understand you…

After the conversation ended, He held the receiver still tight unto his ear. He was as if, wishing that she didn’t put the phone down and hoping that she was still in the other end. He waited patiently but she was gone, he was put back down to earth with the sound of the busy tone playing in the receiver’s speaker. 

   He recalled the sound of her voice, and it was nice. Her voice made him smile, and the thought of her makes him feel that everything was fine, even thought it’s not. He was happy in general, but he was missing something. She once told him that her heart was missing something. “Maybe my heart’s missing something too.”

   “She was patient with me, I hope she likes me still.” In his head he thought of things that will make her smile, the thought of her smiling sent him smiling. But he can’t think of something. She was beyond him at the moment. 

   “Think happy thoughts.” She told him. And so he thought of her. “ I Want to make her happy and I will.” And the daydream goes on…

“She’s gone.” He told himself. For minutes he lay down in his bed,  thinking about the past two and a half hours. “I barely told her anything, I hope I din’t waste her time. I should have told her something.” She was special to her, so he was so disappointed about what he thought to be a lame conversation with her because of his insecurities and immatureness. “I barely told her anything” he repeated himself. But it was to late. It was said, it was done, time was wasted, old actions cannot be undone, words cannot be taken back, the past cannot be undone.

Are those all lies? I wanna hear it from you, tell me that all your words were real, I held unto them, they were like the only thing that makes sense right now, but you, you made them all empty, I thought I would be happy, yet misery came, I spent nights thinking about why am I acting this way, why do i need your assurance, why do I feel downright foolishly and blindly happy when you somehow touch me? Funny, how I held on words that are empty, I, who is empty, held on to nothing. I pity myself, so pathetic, so frail, weak. nothing I can do now, nothing, maybe I’m destined to be like this, so much pain for the last 23 years, positivity seems to be a distant reality. All the help I can get turned into mute, I hear nothing now, I don’t want to hear you anymore. See you anymore, I’ll forget, and eventually you’ll be gone, I hope.

• **I was supposed to start off my blog on a positive note, but i still can’t help what I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks.